[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Sunday, July 31, 2011

[[Sunshine.]]

I will smile everyday to make dad smile. :)

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:22 PM|

[[2 hours more to 100 days]]

This is it. As you can see from the title, I or We are just 100 days away from As in just 2 more hours. I am definitely not prepared. I don't know how many weeks I am away from Prelims...5 more weeks? That's damn crap. In the midst of this, I have to do all the housework together with bro, take care of my own meals and financial needs plus visiting the hospital on the daily basis. I am not exactly trying to complain but just look at the amount of things to do and the amount of time I have. Little. Very little.

Let me define housework for you in case all of you (like most of my naive friends) think that those are just simple chores. Washing and hanging clothes, vaccuuming the house, cleaning the toilet, cook your own meals, wash all utensils after that...etc. Try it on a daily basis. Stop thinking that you are doing those things too just because you are helping your mum. That is different. It is a totally different league from mine. This is full-time housewife. You will probably think that what is the big deal, I am doing it too! Maybe, true enough, but look at the circumstances and if the people around you appreciate it.

I can't explain to you what's the situation like in my family but there is improvement. Not as good as what you think but for me, I am satisfy with current situtation even if it is still classify under 'no good' for most people.

I don't know what is ahead of me now. I just know that I have to strive hard everyday to get the best out of the every days I have. I don't want people to take pity of me but rather understand my situation. Sometimes I just want a hug or a pat or a bright smile or a word of encouragement for support. Just by doing that, tears might start brimming in my eyes but those are tears of joy and comfort that someone understand me. That's all I want but I know is difficult to obtain.

I don't know if it is selfish of me now to only think of myself and not for my friends around me. I can only say sorry that I really have no time and heart to care so much for you guys as much as before. I was probably there for all of you all this time just that you guys didn't notice. I know I am really quiet these days because I can't laugh at most of your jokes anymore. I know I get angry easily too but...ya... please understand, classmates and friends. Sometimes I just don't wish to speak of my family matters, so please stop asking me about it. I only let a handful of you know because the amount of support from you guys would be enough for me, I believe.

Anw, I am tired. Really tired this time round. I will still smile in school occasionally, that's because I might be trying to stop the tears from rolling down. If you ever see my eyes red, please pretend that you didn't see anything. It will be much appreciated if you did that.

I know I am leading a life of a unordinary 18 year old girl. Probably seems young I have been fated to. But I believe that ultimately, I will be able to walk out of this and create a better future for myself. It will probably take years and double the efforts of others. Eventually, everything will fall into place. If I can do it, dad I believe you can do it too. So, jiayou! I believe that you will be able to walk out of that ward very soon if you open your heart and mind and strive hard to live everyday life to the fullest.

I love you daddy. Live for the sake of yourself, dad. :D

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:53 PM|

Monday, July 25, 2011

[[‘加油’的来源]]

因为脑袋生了锈，所以才要加油。只有加了油后，里面的脑细胞才能顺利的运作。

所以，大家加油吧！:)

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|8:57 PM|

Sunday, July 17, 2011

[[Spare me.]]

I need somebody to lean on before I collasped.

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:46 PM|

Saturday, July 9, 2011

[[Tragic.]]

相爱的两个人不能在一起，是一场悲剧。

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|12:26 PM|

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

[[Excel.]]

I know I promise that the previous shall be the last post. But there's a lot happening lately that I can't help to de-stress and express myself here.

MYCTs are over but everyone knows that the main thing is in November. Everyone is mugging super hard...

I had Pilates this morning. I have learnt a lot through this civics elective class that the school organised for us. One of the best things the school did for us. ( I feel) I really I can correct my posture from now on. :)

Anw, met Lionel in the afternoon. Never thought that I would have the courage to meet our school counsellor, however, I know that I needed it. About 2hrs talk with him...I might have crapped a lot. Whatever it is, he was listening and giving me advices to help me feel better in the midst of preparations for As. 126 days away as noted from my phone.

Reached home at about 4. Rest a bit. Laundry. Sleep for 2hrs. I guess I was really tired from all the crying in the afternoon. haha... I was trying my best to hold it back...eventually letting it all out at one go. I expected it. I supposed I won't be crying for quite a while? (Y)

Just ended my call with Qiu Hua. haha my dear cousin. It takes a week for her to return calls! Had a nice chat with her. I really want to continue my conversation with her but my mind was telling me to do my work...(just as I was being movivated by Lionel in the afternoon...) Find another time to meet up then. I can tell that she is performing well now...it is me that is not up to expectation.

The conclusion I can draw is that, in this family (and by this 'family' I mean all my maternal side aunts' families whom I grew up with), no matter which way we grew up in, we will eventually do well in the future. At least, I know that all the rest of you have something in mind. My dream seems far-fetched now. However, I am making my way there now. I might be the last to pass the finishing line but it doesn't matter right? As long as we all reach there, happily. To me, nothing is more important than happiness now.

Don't give up under any cicumstances.
不要轻言放弃，否则对不起自己。

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|9:49 PM|